Written by Chris Lewis
Two years ago, I received the diagnosis I was autistic. To those who knew me well it didn’t come as a surprise. I spent a year studying autism, what help was available and then set up our autistic anxiety support group at the wellbeing centres. All of my life I’ve struggled to know who I truly am, as I constantly adapt my identity to situations and people which mentally drains me. Its not a surprise really that masking is classed as a main contributor to meltdowns and burnouts; it is a surprise however that so few understand the effects masking has on you.
Masking is in many ways a safety net. Many people I have worked with mask to not be seen as odd, or questioned. But constantly being who others expect/want us to be is exhausting. Imagine going to an interview for a job you really want; how authentic are you in that hour? Will you smile at the interviewer and hold eye contact? Wear your best clothes? Be mindful of your body language? Take time to think over each answer carefully before speaking? How genuine are you really, compared to who you are with friends/family etc? Most people leave an interview tired; imagine being in an interview state (masking) all day every day.
Masking is essentially a self-preservation technique: We show the world what they want to see in order to get through the day. I’d be a hypocrite to say don’t mask (I do it daily too) But, I would advise to be your genuine self whenever you can, and only mask if its necessary. Although to some extent everyone masks their true self, people who are neuro diverse are prone to do it more regularly to blend in. One of
the unspoken issues about masking is how lonely it can make you. Service users I have worked with often feel alone, and feel that no one truly knows them. They mask regularly with partners and family, and are only themselves when they are alone.
Finding a space to unmask is vital to both mental health and identity; thankfully there are places this can be done:
- Support for the Surrey area autism.org.uk/what-we-do/support-in-the-community/social-groups support
- Support in the Basingstoke area autismhampshire.org.uk/how-we-can-help/serendipity-social-groups
Andover Mind offer Autistic Anxiety support groups at our wellbeing centres in Aldershot and Basingstoke, to attend please register: andovermind.org.uk/information-advice/referral-form/
Even if you only unmask once a week for an hour, it will make a difference to your wellbeing. If you’re not ready to do this in person, I’d highly recommend being yourself on https://sidebyside.mind.org.uk/ which is an online anonymous site run by Mind.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else
is the greatest accomplishment.” – Robert Louis Stevenson
